Think back to your own childhood for a moment: who was the person who knew exactly what happened when the lights went out at night, or who understood precisely why a certain look from a parent was funny? Usually, it’s a brother or a sister. Siblings often hold the keys to our personal history, acting as the longest witnesses to our lives, which is why it can be so heart-wrenching when circumstances force them apart. Whether due to family breakdown or the complexities of the care system, the physical distance doesn’t mean the emotional bridge has to collapse, though keeping it sturdy does take a bit of creative thinking and a lot of patience.
It isn’t always about grand gestures or expensive days out, since those can sometimes feel a bit artificial anyway. The goal is to keep the thread of their shared narrative running.
Make the Most of Digital Play
One of the simplest ways to do this is by embracing the digital chaos that children seem to love. While we might groan at the idea of more screen time, a shared game of Minecraft or Roblox can be a lifeline. It allows them to play together in a virtual sandbox even if they can’t wrestle in the living room. It takes the pressure off conversation, too. Sometimes, sitting face-to-face on a video call can feel awkward for children (and adults, frankly), but shouting instructions at each other while building a digital castle? That feels normal. That feels like siblings.
Other Activities You Might Try
Of course, the old-fashioned methods have a certain charm that shouldn’t be overlooked. There is something quite grounding about receiving a physical object in the post. Encourage the child in your care to send little drawings, a funny postcard, or even a care package with a half-eaten packet of their favourite sweets (hygiene permitting, obviously). It gives them a tangible reminder that they are being thought of, which is crucial when they are lying in a strange bed at night wondering if they’ve been forgotten.
Creating a memory box is another lovely, low-pressure activity. They can keep photos, ticket stubs from visits, or little trinkets that remind them of their brother or sister. It validates their past. It says, “Your family matters, and your history is safe here.”
Another gentle way to bridge the gap is through shared reading. If both children have a copy of the same book, they can read a chapter each night. Knowing their sibling is experiencing the exact same story creates a truly comforting, invisible bond that transcends the physical miles between them.
Manage the Logistics
For those who decide to become a foster carer, the responsibility of managing these relationships can feel daunting. Although most good agencies will try to ensure that you are fostering siblings together, it doesn’t always work this way if you don’t have the room. If the child you are caring for has a sibling in another household, you aren’t just looking after a child; you are becoming the temporary guardian of their family ties. It requires a fair bit of diary management and coordination with other carers or birth parents, and so it helps to be flexible. If a planned visit falls through, which happens more often than we’d like, having a backup plan, like a quick phone call or recording a video message, can soften the blow.
Handle the Big Emotions
It is also worth remembering that contact isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes, seeing a sibling can bring up big, messy feelings. They might come home from a visit feeling angry, quiet, or tearful. This doesn’t mean the contact was “bad” or that it should be stopped. It just means they are processing grief, and they need a safe space to let those emotions bubble over without being told to cheer up.
Keep a Sense of Identity
Keeping siblings connected is about consistency. It’s about showing them that even though their living situation has changed, the people who share their DNA and their memories aren’t disappearing into the ether. It’s messy work, and it’s rarely perfect, but those little threads of connection, woven together over months and years, are what keep their sense of identity whole.
